Published on: 7/7/14

When people are struggling they don't like being told what to do, and they dislike being labeled and blamed. To motivate people to change, doctors stop scolding and start listening.

Is Your Loved One Resistant to Change?

by Lorie Miller, Certified Senior Advisor

How do you get other people to change?  Those of you who are married may have been asking this question for quite some time.  Or to put it another way, how do you get someone to do what you want them to do because it is for their own good? This is a challenge every parent faces in raising their children. This is also a challenge for many adult children faced with being responsible for their aging parents' care. 

Health care providers also must walk gently in this minefield of human relations.  How do health care providers motivate stubborn patients to make needed changes? Can we use the same principles that they do, when dealing with our own loved ones?

In an article in the Wall Street Journal, entitled "To Motivate People to Change, Doctors Stop Scolding,"  journalist Laura Landro states, "Instead of telling patients what to do and scolding them when they don't do it, clinicians ask the person what changes he or she is willing and able to make, and then promote the patient's desire, confidence and commitment to following through."

This asking and promoting is called motivational interviewing.

The old way of doctors lecturing or trying to scare their patients into compliance does not work.  The patients become "defensive and disengaged.  When people are struggling, they don't like to be told what to do, and they dislike being labeled and blamed," says Stephen Rollnick. 

Mr. Rollnick is founder of the nonprofit Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers www.motivationalinterviewing.org.  "Motivational interviewing can bring patients back on board to consider difficult changes," he claims.

Health care professionals are encouraged to avoid words such as "must," "should", and "have to." They struggle to find the balance between supporting patient choice and doing their job in making recommendations to their patients.

Ken Resnicow a health-behavior and education researcher who owns Academic Assistance, says these techniques work best with patients "who have low energy for change and a high level of resistance."  These are the most difficult people to motivate.

Aging parents can be most resistant to change.  Because they have so many unwelcome changes to deal with, they feel they are losing control over their lives.  Adult children may get more cooperation from their aging parents when they stop lecturing and start asking.

Asking the loved one what they are willing to do, and having them take part in all decisions regarding their lives, will give them the feeling of being in control.  They also feel more respected. As a result of feeling more in control and respected, their resistance to suggestions from others will lower and their cooperation will increase.

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